Long time no see!

Its been more than a year since the last post, yet everytime when I read back, the feeling remains.
Its like how everytime I look back all the photos I have posted, and I still remember the moment I posted it, be it months, or years ago.

Sometimes I feel sad seeing how unpredictable is life. But sometimes I do love it.
It was so sarcastic when people said I am an introvert, especially people who know me at the later stage of life, when I have been living my life talking too much at the earlier stage.

I couldnt imagine what could happen if two groups of my friends actually met, they may argue or even debate how "introvert"/"extrovert" am I

As the time goes, I learn to just accept the fact.
To accept the fact that people change, and I change too.
Its totally fine, as I always told my friend, change is always the only constant.

I dont know what shapes me.
I think its the experiences.

Yet one thing remains though many years have passed:
I am always competitive and I always push myself hard.

Not sure if its a good thing, but it has made a significant impact in my life.

I love how unpredictable is life.
Have never thought of working in a bank but now I do.
Have never thought of me being so brave but now I do.

Please continue surprise me life, I love surprises.

Happy Thursday

Well, I guess I always learn more from listening to interviews and conversations than reading texts/news alone at home. I think this kind of explains that I'm actually a people person, which is also one of the things I really proud of myself.

I love to see how people act and respond, and I can always find something to admire about that person, and I learn from them. Everytime when I get a chance to talk with people, be it friends, strangers or someone respectful, I feel motivated. I think I love to know how people think, and I love to engage myself in deep conversations. And this explains why I can't stand conversations filled with gossips and with zero content. It can of course be entertaining and relaxing at times, but sometimes the pleasure it gives empties myself more than what I can get from them.

So today I watched Xiao Fei's Interview, and I learnt so much from this young man:

1. A truly passionate entrepreneur, or a successful one, is always the one that sees a deeper value from what he is doing other than money and profits. He knows he is doing a thing that he likes, so he wants to make it perfect, even if it involves some personal sacrifices. A person that is driven by money and profits, will leave eventually. This is not a curse, but a fact. Because no one can compete with a person who has so much to give, no matter how talented the people can be. Without intrinsic motivation, you can't go too far.

2. People who truly care about you won't concern about your materialistic living/pay. They would love to know more about how good you are, how well you are and how happy you are right now. Because to them, that's what matters the most. And that should be all.

Relating back to my personal life, nothing much to share. I am not very passionate about what I am studying right now, and this explains why I actually feel so drained and demotivated after I submit my RAE. I genuinely feel so empty that I feel it is not adding value to my life at all, and instead, it takes my life away from me without giving anything much back.

Well, it's okay. I only have one month to go. I just need to continue working with what I've decided. i can't wait to start my volunteering work in Mongolia. God bless everything is smooth and okay. Jiayou Jia Hui! Explore the world, and explore your world. You are always the best, like what mama always say! :) <3


Regards,
Jia Hui
(27/4/2017)

Random Thoughts

I don't really have any life motto. But I always try to work harder, smarter, be happier and to make people around me happier as well.

Undeniably, I am a competitive person. But being competitive doesn't mean I am competent in all the things I do.

Sometimes I feel I push myself too hard, but when I look ahead, there are people pushing harder than me, so why not push harder?

Yet as the time goes, I feel that comparison is not meaningful at all.
I have accepted that there will always be people smarter, more competent, more hardworking and willing to sacrifice more than me.

And I realize in the end, I am just competing with myself.

I need to push myself, but at the same time enjoy my own pace in achieving things.
It's okay to fail, because you learn more in failure than in success.

I have accepted that I am still quite directionless in what I wanna do in my future.
But, I know what I want to contribute. Just the "How?" part needs to be explored more.

And I realize people who truly loves you, won't even demand a justification of the choices you made. They won't even doubt your decisions. But instead, they respect, support and always be there if you need them.
There's never any absolute "black of white" answers in all life questions. But you should at least know where the grey parts are, and you have to know how you are going to justify your own decision based on your best interest.

People are selfish. No matter how resourceful or talented a friend can be, if he/she is not willing to give, there's nothing you can take from them, even a genuine friendship.
So, let go.

Befriend with people who genuinely care, and have less selfish intentions when they are with you.

Life is already complicated, why add on stuffs that complicate it more, especially when you get to choose?

No need to care what people think or say about you. Because in the end, they won't even remember what they say after 3 seconds.
They have their own lives to live, own problems awaiting to be solved, and for people who are too free to judge, let them, coz they have nothing else to do in their lives.

Jiayou and goodluck for the rest of the "RAE" days! :)

Back from London!!! (Finally!)

Yoyo Im back in Canley finally, after two eventful weeks in Scotland and London.

As usual, I would like to first count my blessings and all the beautiful memories that I had for the past two weeks:
- I am still with my fav boy and he still treats me like the first day! <3 <3
- Just had video call and whatsapp call with mom and dad!
- Finally settle the flight thingy and booked flights for them to UK! (and still have some remaining left after booking, thank God haha)
- First week of easter break in Edinburgh and Glasglow was a bliss (love the seafood in the vibrant city!)
- Spend 3 days 2 nights with local host family: Derek and Ann! Great exposure to life in York and feel so happy to listen to Derek sharing his life as a youth, adult, bank inspector, dad, and now a happy retired; whereas Ann teaching me how to knit, be fit and healthy and shared with me her stories and life mindset. And also I love Whitby so much!!! Thanks for the long car rides (you must be tired) and the beautiful sceneries, delicious FishnChips and all the happy moments, these just made my holiday!! <3 So so grateful hehe
- 1 eventful week in London!
-> Feel happiest when Im able to connect with the interviewers and look at their sparkling eyes and listen to what they have to share with me! And I think this makes me actually kind of like interviews coz i just love to talk to people, especially people that's respectful and experienced (thank you Soo Fern, Johnson, Kevin and many more for the kind words and useful advices!)
-> Also feel happy to see how much I've grown as an individual in English speaking, critical thinking and stress management under intense pressure! I can proudly say that I am actually quite relaxed before most interviews and assessment centres and this is really a big "achievement unlocked" for me! And Im satisfied with my own performance, clearly see how much I've progressed since last year :P
-> Satisfying results from one of my modules! Got 82 for Trade omg Im happy as hell now! <3
-> Finally signed the job contract with one of the employers and Im super excited and ready to be part of the change!!
-> Great host in London - Janice Lim and know a lot more of her friends (they're genuinely so cute, really!) And had a great time spent with all of them :P

Well, still, a few things topping my "worry list" for now and hopefully I have the courage and optimism to tackle all of them!
-> RAE and FSA assignment with 0 progress due in 20 days :(
-> Need more TIME to study for exams as well!!! (need a better time management skill pls!)
-> Plan trip for parents! and for myself before they come hhee
-> Improve my English!!! (very important) and to make myself more sensitive and critical with things happening around and the News!

Gonna start chiong-ing now!!! JIA YOU JIA HUI <3

又上了一课！加油！

今天又再破自己人生的最低纪录
我努力了很久的Behavioural Economics居然只拿52
我真的是没眼看 也一时不懂要怎样接受
所以第一个反应就是先小哭一下 缓解一下情绪 再慢慢整理

我觉得我上了一课
就其实我只用了10分钟就恢复心情了
就尽量把能有的负能量减到最低 把有可能因负能量造成的伤害也减到最低
会小哭一下只是觉得努力没有成果
但慢慢整理情绪后就会开始想真正原因应该是努力的方式不对
事倍功半
真的得好好下功夫才行

谢谢你的贴心
也谢谢你说即使考52分你还是会娶我哈哈哈 （我知道我很白痴）
也谢谢你说你会好好和我一起复习
唉
我真的觉得生活真的是太幸福了
身边能有你的事事关心与安慰
很开心

又上了一课

有点像一个巨星在台上发挥的淋漓尽致后
回到房里 开着电脑 看看媒体与网友给予的回应

其实人生本来就很多起伏
只是可能我的人生在这方面比较顺利
所以这个低谷时真的会让我很失落
但我觉得开心的是
我并没有花太多时间让自己沉浸在这个上心里头

我觉得这是一种对往后人生的一种练习
毕业后遇到的起伏一定更大
就从这一小步开始学习如何快速整理我的情绪吧！ :)
加油！！！

啊最后最后
分享一首我最近很喜欢的歌
是一首很平常很简单的歌
田馥甄的《日常》<3

《你的名字。》

《你的名字。》

这部日本动漫有多火红我就不多说

也是因为在社交网站上频频看到它的出现才会有想打开来看的冲动

看的结果我也不多说了 

我真的是感动到一种无法言语的程度

戏里的男女主角在时光上隔了三年

但却因奇妙的缘分 透过身份互换的情况下平行生活 

享受不同身份生活带给他们的乐趣 

与此同时却不晓情愫已慢慢地在二人之间开始酝酿

后来有一天男主角发现似乎已许久没交换身体

决定动身去寻找女主角时才发现

其实那熟悉的女生早已在三年前离世

女主角也似乎有类似的默契

也下定决心下大城市一探究竟

地铁上与那熟悉的身影目目相覷时却发现男孩并不认识自己

被相隔的时光狠狠地戏弄了一番

殊不知遇到的是三年前的男孩 

在一个短暂的黄昏

男孩遇到了三年前的女孩

女孩也遇到了三年后的男孩

时光上的奇妙相聚地让两人顿时语塞

来不及报备自己的名字 

却又再次错失了彼此

 醒来时犹如做了一场很真实的梦

似真似假 似假似真

时光荏苒

时间有脚

每一步脚印都在慢慢抹掉心底仅存的那一丁点涟漪

我觉得人生最遗憾的不是完全失忆

而是明明记得曾在心底深处的温存

却忘了究竟是谁遗留下的足迹

真实得不像梦 却又像梦的不真实

那份心情

似乎也没有一个合理化的解释

但就是叫人久久不能遗忘

直到偶然某天相遇

感觉熟悉却又不知是否真有瓜葛

喧哗前的第一句也只能是

你的名字是？

《你的名字。》

怎样比都是输的 活好自己的人生最重要

每一个人都有同等幸福的可能 也都有同等伤心的资格

这句话其实启发于一些攀比心态所造成的不平衡的观点
也是对自己的一个提醒

我只能说在求学方面我是一个很幸运的女生
能到国外生活
体验很不同的求学生涯

但是这并不代表 相对于那一些在本地求学的学生
这样的我比他们少了一份伤心的资格

凭什么就因为我能到英国求学 每一天的我就该像皇上似的逍遥快活 像仙女似的不愁吃穿住行 不食人间烟火
要知道 就是享尽荣华富贵 拥有至高权力的的皇上 恐怕也受条约束缚 时间上的捆绑 才能撑得起不禁一丝风吹草动的皇位的吧

有时候真的很想说 别让妒忌与羡慕 来黯淡自身的幸福来凸显别人的幸福
能在国外读书是真的件很幸福的事 但是不代表这幸福是每时每刻 完全无忧无虑的

国外留学生面对的压力 其实很多时候比国内的要大很多
要在一个完全陌生的国家 被本地人用外劳的眼神看待 文化上与语言上的适应 与父母日夜颠倒的生活作息 一年只能见一次面的苦 很多很多 不是所有人在脸书上都能看到与体会的

凭什么要说身为国外留学生的我们就不能觉得伤心和emo
我们都是人 都是青年人 都有对成长共同的疑问与挣扎 都有对感情友情亲情的波动所造成的情绪起伏 都有对未来的无知而产生的恐惧与不安 都有有苦说不出的无奈与委屈 都有理想不达标的失望与懊悔 都有对社会问题的怜悯与同情

难道就单凭我们有机会在唯一有假期时到了一些梦想中的国家就要剥夺我们也能感觉伤心的权利吗
那会不会太自私了？

真要这么说的话 用同样的逻辑 那是不是只有世上最不发达最贫穷国家里的最最最穷苦的那几户人家才有资格觉得伤心？

我明白大家都有对生活的理念与原则 但家家有本难念的经 念不到他家的又何必觉得其他人都比你过得要好得多 身为成年人 谁又会把自身的苦赤裸裸地晒在网上任人浏览
很多时候确实要将心比心 用成熟的心态看待攀比的过程
这不只是对最近遇到的一些言语的反驳 也是对自己的一个提醒
大家一起加油吧 怎样比都是输的 活好自己的人生最重要